Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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