he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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