Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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