Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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