I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
