Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
