for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
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