the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
