Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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