Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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