When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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