Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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