I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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