Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
