why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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