If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
