I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
