I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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