just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
