He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
