Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
