i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
