There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I don't deserve a penis
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
