she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
