You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
