Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
