matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You pole danced in your parka.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
