Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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