i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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