roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
ttyl tear gas
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
