first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
