A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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