i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
