this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Randomize
