We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
