he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize