you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
