i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
