no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
