This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
