She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
barbara walters just said penis...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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