the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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