I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
