Nicole vs. Life
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
