..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
