Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
