Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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