Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
