not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
