Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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