You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
