Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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