Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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