i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
