he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
