he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
