I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
