we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
