nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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