maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
