i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
