Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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