you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize