Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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