Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
