Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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