I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
