if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
