Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
