There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
