..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
