what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
