I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
